You might need to put the kettle on...this one is my longest post yet! This Saturday I return back to work after 2 years! I have mixed feelings about going back. My work place was a place of many joys but also a lot of heartache. I'm a paediatric nurse and whilst that job in itself has many challenges, I also had a close colleague pass away suddenly when I worked there which was a really difficult time for me. In the 3 years I worked there before leaving to go on maternity leave, I can remember every child that I nursed that passed away and also a lot of "miracle" stories and families that were (and still are) such an inspiration. I went on maternity leave thinking I wouldn't come back but something still draws me back to that ward and hospital and I feel like I'm ready to continue my career as a nurse.
One of the hardest things I've found whilst being on maternity leave is the fact that my career as a nurse just stopped. I suddenly had a baby to look after and my every day jobs of doing medications, procedures, counselling and working in a team, turned into changing nappies, feeding, bathing and doing loads of washing. Don't get me wrong, I'd never regret having kids and both my children are so precious I would never give them up for work. But, now that I am returning to work, I do think about those 2 years where I wasn't nursing and when I look at my other colleagues who have progressed in their careers and are doing further education, I often wonder if I will ever be able to do the same. When I think about this, I do often feel at peace knowing that I have had my kids young and whilst that has meant I've had to sacrifice a bit of my career, I still have plenty of years ahead and I am determined to use them to continue to do life the way I do and enjoy being a Mum, wife, and a nurse once a fortnight on a weekend. I just have to remind myself of this sometimes.
The hardest thing I'm going to find about going back to work is leaving my two kids at home. For those of you who aren't mums, you might not see this as a big deal but there has never been a time in my toddler's life that I haven't been there for him, let alone away for him for a whole day. I know he will be completely fine, doing fun things with his Dad and our friends, but its me that I'm worried about! I know I will get used to it after a few shifts and that it will just make the "heart grow fonder" when I do get home after work. It's just a transition, a new experience to learn from and let's face it...lots of mothers go back to work at some point.
I had a lovely day with both my kids today, just relaxing at home and spending time playing together. I had my toddler colour my ugg boots in with his chalk, filled in a wiggles sticker book, helped my princess roll over and back again and finished the day with some lovely stories in bed and cuddles. Kids are such a joy! I know going back to work will make me enjoy those moments more and also cherish the time that I do have to myself at work where I can have my own "social" time with other adults and families. I look forward to being able to go back to work with the "experience" and "knowledge" or what it means to be a parent and being able to understand the emotions that take place when your child is sick. I am really excited about it and looking forward to the drive in the car on my own, being able to listen to the radio, think...and not have kids in the back needing attention (or having to sing nursery rhymes!). This is just a simple pleasure that I miss sometimes!
Anyway, that's what is on my mind right now!
A new beginning at a place of many memories and the promise of a bright future!
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